Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
