she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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