Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
