oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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