Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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