So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
