I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
