Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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