What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
