plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
