I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
