Duck Duck Cougar?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
