Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
