Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My breasts were aching with rage.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
