just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
