we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
