i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
