HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The maid of honor just puked.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
