thus making me awesome and them whores
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
