i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
