Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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