just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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