it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
