I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
