i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
