Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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