Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Randomize
