The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
