I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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