This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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