What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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