I met the friendliest cop last night
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
