just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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