Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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