so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
