I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
