I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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