I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
