My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
