Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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