I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He passed out mid-signature
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
