She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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