she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My vagina is very pro this idea
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
