So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
