No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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