I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
