Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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