this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
