trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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