did you get engaged???
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
