Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
