i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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